Ask yourself, ‘What are my goals?’, ‘What do I really want?’, ‘Can I make it happen?’. Generally, we all want something in life–marriage, families, children. But if your once happy marriage has started to become more of a drain on your existence, if you feel there is nothing anymore to do to continue the marital relationship, and a divorce is what you need, you must take a deep breath, step back for a bit, and ask yourself, ‘What are my goals?’
In times as terrible as separation with your spouse, it is very important not to get ahead with your emotions and jump in any direction because you desperately want out. You have to plan and think. Look before you leap. You need a goal, for the short-term and long term. Do it for yourself, your kids, your finances, your future.
Goals: Short-term and Long-term, the Need For Both
You want emotional stability for you and your children. However, the way in which you achieve short-term emotional stability, may not be the best way to deal with it in the long run. The way you deal with your emotions right now may be different than the way you handle them in the future. Strenuous times in life often bring out a side of us that we never knew existed. Amidst the ‘terror,’ the turbulence, and disruption of separation consulting a professional therapist may be a sound investment crucial to your emotional health and overall wellbeing. Many find therapy to be both an immediate and long term solution to combating an inordinate amount of stress and anxiety. Plan not only for the next few days or weeks , but for the months and years ahead. If you think you can’t do it alone, don’t be afraid to reach out to your trusted family, friends, or support network for help. . Setting priorities under stress is a difficult feat to accomplish, but you can and will do it. You will need all the help you can get to achieve it.
Be Patient and Keep an Open Mind
When we are stressed, emotional, and angry, hostile feelings come to the forefront. You might feel the urge to retaliate against your spouse. Retaliating and giving vent to hostile feelings will only harm you and your children. Oftentimes, you are just giving your spouse ammunition to use against you, and you’re not even acting like yourself right now. Uncontrolled anger may give way to a court battle so full of upheaval and turbulence, it has the potential to leave you both emotionally and financially scarred. Although it may take every ounce of restraint, the retaliation and anger you want to unleash right now will likely be short-lived and prove to backfire on you and destroy and chance you have at an amicablea , cooperative settlement. Try to think of your happy post life with your children after this whole thing is settled? How do you get from here to there unscathed?Keep your eyes on the prize and don’t stop until you get there. We will be there with you every step of the way until you reach the otherside. Be patient. You will get through this. Keep an open mind.